Top 10 Funny Church Signs

Top 10 Funny Church Signs

“The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.”

“Under same management for over 2000 years”

“Soul food served here.”

“Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!”

“Don’t wait for the hearse to take you to church.”

“Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!”

“Life has many choices, For Eternity, two. What’s yours?”

“Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.”

“A man’s character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash.”

“Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.”

If you have more funny church sayings, leave them in the comments and I will try to add them here later.

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33 replies
  1. Gerardo
    Gerardo says:

    I have seen only 1 one of the signs before, I hope to see the ones you’re talking about, it made me lmao.

  2. ILPT
    ILPT says:

    Hmmmm… not the typical hilarious stuff for me but I don’t really know why it is B1? This makes me really think as I don’t have any idea why..

  3. Roj
    Roj says:

    I am having a hard time understanding though I frequent the church and I am even active as a lector.. Hahha.. Did I miss so many things? I am only familiar with the same management for 2000 years.

  4. Epoch
    Epoch says:

    Never give the Evil a ride… Nice one 🙂 There are interesting sayings about god, churches, etc… There’s a funny idiom in Hungarian: “Megfogta az Isten lábát.”, meaning “He/she has caught the leg of God”. We say it for people who get rich or very lucky in a very short time, like when one wins the lottery or so…

  5. Nessa
    Nessa says:

    I really like the truth decay sign. It is the only one I’ve seen before. The are all good and make me smile. The B1 sign is, well, so true!

  6. LarryJackson
    LarryJackson says:

    Those are some good signs. It’s funny to see what some churches can come up with to put out front.

  7. JudgeRight
    JudgeRight says:

    The advertisement on your page (upper left corner) was one for imosh.com, a specialist in Satanic jewelry. This is why I have such a hard time with content based advertising and google’s adsense in general. They seem to be working in direct opposition to your intent for your page.

    One of the best signs I’ve seen on the church is; My last name is not ‘Damit’ – God

  8. Dr.Bruce
    Dr.Bruce says:

    Thanks for the heads-up about the ads Judge. I have struggled with Google and trying to block unwanted ads and may have to get rid of them

  9. Eddie Garcia
    Eddie Garcia says:

    We all know that God has to have a good sense of humor if He made us and we are still around. Signs such as these are geared to get attention and they do just that. My wife is sort of in charge of changing our marque on a regular basis and maybe she will be able to use a couple, if not all of these. Thanks for sharing. I wish I could think of some clever ones right now. Maybe later.

    Friends 4 Life!
    Eddie

  10. Nick
    Nick says:

    I really like the “Under same management for over 2000 years” sign. Very funny post. I wish my town had church signs like these.

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    How I Lost Thirty Pounds in Thirty Days says:

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  12. Matt
    Matt says:

    I really like the signs. With the exception of a couple which may sounds sacrilegious (like the “tithe if you love Jesus…”) I think, while funny, they are not even bad as Christian mottos. I am a sucker for ridiculous puns so I definitely like the prevent truth decay. If I was a priest I think I would give that one in my next homily 🙂

  13. Damien
    Damien says:

    These are great. You might consider a dedicated page to religion based quotes. I get huge traffic on my psychology based quotes page.

  14. Joe
    Joe says:

    “The best position is on your knees.”

    “Staying in your bed while shouting ‘O God!’ every Sunday morning doesn’t count as going to church.”

  15. Stephen
    Stephen says:

    Hey Jesus loves you so much, if you really want to be more savy in your bible learnings, and you want to possibly get more into your bible, then read it more and ask God our Lord Jesus Christ to reveal to you all the things that confuse you…even down to the things that seem soo small…like a missed joke..and he will reveal it to you 😀 have a good day.

  16. Emily Yee
    Emily Yee says:

    I love the one that says, “Under same management for over 2000 years”
    In business world the longer the organization is, the more dependable it is. Lol.
    I’ve read one somewhere that sounds like this,
    Try Jesus. If You Don’t Like Him the Devil Will Take You Back.

  17. 2012 Doomsday Predictions
    2012 Doomsday Predictions says:

    Nice articles.. there are some creative sayings there on how to attract people 🙂

  18. @theists®us
    @theists®us says:

    Suggestions: “I’ll be damned if there is a God” – Atheist / “BRB” – Jesus / (next 2 best as a billboards) “Need proof that I exist? Heeer’s your sign.”
    (text message format) A(theist) i dnt blv n u. – God) 4real? – A.) yep – God) g0 2 h311 – A.) 4real? – God) yep – A.) WTF!? – Jesus) ROFL u g0t PWN3D
    (One I saw) “GPS broken? Find direction inside.”
    We atheists have ungodly senses of humor :-p

  19. @theists®us
    @theists®us says:

    BTW, please feel free to use the above ideas as you wish. I release any and all rights that I may have–or whatever it is I’m supposed to say, and if Bill Engvall complains to your church about the “here’s your sign” one, tell him to talk to management 😉

  20. Funny Church Signs
    Funny Church Signs says:

    Classic signs! Some of them are funny, but others are just downright concerning. As an atheist, it bothers me when I see manipulative signs geared toward using things like ‘scare tactics’ to make people feel bad for being a ‘non believer.’

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    clickyhere says:

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  22. Charles Willams
    Charles Willams says:

    Theses are off actual church signs ( I have th pictures to prove it)

    Yahwah wants full custody not weekend visitations
    If you can’t stand the heat you better plan to avoid it
    Rapture – the separation of church and state
    If you think it’s hot here imagine hell
    Be an organ donor –give your heart to Yahwah
    Count your blessings not sheep
    Do you really want your children to be just like you – keep praying
    Dusty bibles lead to dusty lives
    Gossip is the toxic waste of small towns and minds – don’t do it
    Halloween is a trick – church is a treat
    Honk if you love Yahwah – text while you’re driving if you want to meet him now!
    I was here first – Yahwah
    It’s unlikely the wages of sin will be reduced
    Keep using my name in vain and I’ll make the trains longer – Yahwah
    Keep you words sweet – you may have to eat them
    Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color
    Love is kind & not puffed up. How’s your love life?
    No Bunny loves you like Yahwah
    Pandamania – where Yahwah is crazy about you
    Pray until something happens
    Rapture is the way to fly
    Stop drop and roll doesn’t work in hell
    The party in hell has been cancelled due to fire
    We’re not Dairy Queen but we have great Sundays
    Without the bread of life you’re toast

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  1. Witnessing Puns - Say Cheese! - The Dispatch - Davidson County's News Source - Archive says:

    […] Was I ever surprised to see the resources and collections of sayings?! A good start is this Top 10 Funny Church Signs. You can see many others (even categorized) at […]

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